We have set a goal for ourselves to get out of debt in three years. That’s ALL debt–including our mortgage. Its going to be tough but I have no doubt we can do it.
As part of that goal I sent out an email to family and friends letting them know what we’re trying to do and that they shouldn’t expect to receive any gifts from us during holidays for the next three years.
I also asked that they not buy us anything because if they did we were going to sell it and use the money to pay down debt. This includes the kids.
Now before your sphincter implodes at how harsh that last part seems let me explain. First, our kids are both under the age of three. The latest medical research suggest that humans really can’t remember much if anything before the age of three. So them not getting anything for their birthday or Christmas won’t stunt their emotional growth in any way. By the way, if someone wants to buy the kids a savings bond or give us money to put towards their education then we have no problem with that.
Second, at this age they don’t even understand the concept of giving and getting. Sophie is 2 and has just now grasped the concept of “mine” and by that I mean she thinks everything is hers. Flynn is 10 months and only cares about things that are edible. They do understand the joy of being with other people though, and that is exactly what holidays and birthdays are all about. The celebration of getting to spend another year in each others company. Though after that holiday many people prefer not to see certain family members for another year but that’s a different story altogether.
A hundred years ago you were lucky to get a handmade doll or a wooden horse as a gift and then it was only from your parents. Unless, that is, you were part of the rich elite which you probably weren’t. It has only been since World War II that we have showered children and each other with an orgy of gift giving. So much so that a major part of our economy rests on how well retail sales did after December 25th. People back then survived. They even thrived. The prosperity of the latter 20th century allowed people to give their children what they didn’t have growing up. There’s nothing wrong with that but now we’ve taken it too far.
“It’s the thought that counts!”, you say. Sure, but when you’re giving a gift to someone purely because you think you have to implicitly means there is no thought put into it. Witness the pair of black dress socks I got from an uncle once as a perfect example. Not only did he not put any thought into the gift (I had plenty of socks and rarely needed dress socks at that age) but he didn’t even buy them. My grandmother did.
You see, he had no money but because he drew my name for the holiday gift swap he was obliged to give me something. To me, if everybody has so little money with which to spend on gifts that we have to draw names during the holidays then maybe we need to stop and question what the holiday is really about. I’ve heard suggested several times that we agree to only draw names for the kids. Yes, by all means lets teach them to overspend each year so they’ll never have any money either. Or worse, lets teach them to expect that they receive a gift whether they deserved it or not. Wait, we’re already doing that…
So back to the email. Since I sent it out I’ve gotten replies back that suggest how hurt they are that they can’t buy anything for our kids. A couple (and I literally mean two) people sent back encouraging words. One of those people is already out of debt and the other said she was setting the same goal for herself. Everybody else completely missed the point. The ability for us to ultimately have enough money to send our kids to the finest schools in the nation shot past their heads like a bullet train. Or the ability to buy for ourselves health insurance to guarantee that if something should happen to any of us we’ll have the time to spend getting better instead of worrying about how to pay the medical bills.
These people seem to think that being debt free is an impossible dream. Probably because they’ve never known what its like not to be under crushing debt. They also cite passages from the Bible about how they can’t take it with them. They’re right, they can’t. But I’m sure the Bible also mentions something about being good stewards with what we have. Giant stockings stuffed with useless plastic trinkets from Oriental Trading cannot in the loosest of meanings be construed as being good stewards with your money.
Here is my ideal holiday. Everyone is out of debt and gives a loved one or friend a gift not because they feel obligated to but because they found something they thought that person would really enjoy. Nothing big, expensive, or fancy. Just a little reminder that we were thinking of each other. If that gift is hand made then more’s the better. You can’t help but to put thought into something if you’re making it by hand. However, if an aunt doesn’t find something that meets that “just right” criteria for a niece then the gift of her company during the holiday season would be more than welcome.
Is that a pipe-dream? Maybe. But someone has to start doing it or no one will.


